The 2015-16 World Fitba Thread!

Discussion in 'Hall of Fame/Shame' started by Jimmy, Jun 24, 2014.

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Who do you think will prove to be the best signing this summer?

  1. Depay

    6 vote(s)
    85.7%

  2. Schweinteiger

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%

  3. Firmino

    1 vote(s)
    14.3%

  4. Payet

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%

  5. Schneiderlin

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%

  6. Other (please state)

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
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  1. cdogg187

    cdogg187 GLADYS

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    Glares of joy were shared across The Fatherland and the German diaspora
     
    cdogg187, Jun 3, 2015
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  2. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    :l3:

    This was Slice

    [​IMG]
     
    whiskey, Jun 3, 2015
    #9122
  3. Slice N Dice

    Slice N Dice Big stiff idiot

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    :lol:

    "Those blasted Jerrys and their dastardly penalties!"
     
    Slice N Dice, Jun 3, 2015
    #9123
  4. Irish

    Irish Yuge, Beautiful

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    Milner going to Anfield.
     
    Irish, Jun 3, 2015
    #9124
  5. Slice N Dice

    Slice N Dice Big stiff idiot

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    :lol:

    [​IMG]
     
    Slice N Dice, Jun 4, 2015
    #9125
  6. cdogg187

    cdogg187 GLADYS

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    :l3:
     
    cdogg187, Jun 4, 2015
    #9126
  7. salaco

    salaco Undisputed Champion

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    ha ha, good catch, the ubiquitous maurice pratt. This is how I remember it, branded toys were really outside the reach of most average income (and highly taxed) irish families in the mid-eighties. I wanted the millenium falcon badly one Christmas, but instead I ended up with one of those bags with a hundred tiny plastic soldiers
     
    salaco, Jun 4, 2015
    #9127
  8. Steve-Dingo

    Steve-Dingo Wizard of Oz

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    Bless Ye, that genuinely did make me feel a wee bit sad aboot the Star Wars Christmas ootrage... Ah had one alsae one year when Darth Vader felt ma presents (no in weird way - Ye dirty devils!).

    Ah wiz living in Northern Ireland from '85 tae '87 and, although the prices were better, Ah remember we were a brit brassic, like. Lot's o' pirated recordings o' movies, C64 and MSX games and no' much else. It wiz there Ah developed ma love o' 'marrowbone peas' from the chip shop as Ah wiz a wee bit hungry on occasion... Ye ken yer boggin' in bad place when, as a wean, Ye forego some'at like Maltesers fer pishin' peas, like :lol:
     
    Steve-Dingo, Jun 4, 2015
    #9128
  9. Steve-Dingo

    Steve-Dingo Wizard of Oz

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    Viz > The Onion
     
    Steve-Dingo, Jun 4, 2015
    #9129
  10. Irish

    Irish Yuge, Beautiful

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    I loved those.
     
    Irish, Jun 4, 2015
    #9130
  11. Irish

    Irish Yuge, Beautiful

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    That's your tracking mate.
     
    Irish, Jun 4, 2015
    #9131
  12. cdogg187

    cdogg187 GLADYS

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    Little green army men were great
     
    cdogg187, Jun 4, 2015
    #9132
  13. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9133
  14. Hut*Hut

    Hut*Hut The Mackintosh of temazepam

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    Cool thanks, i'll check ooot his stuff on youtube
     
    Hut*Hut, Jun 4, 2015
    #9134
  15. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9135
  16. Hut*Hut

    Hut*Hut The Mackintosh of temazepam

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    subscription only! :(
     
    Hut*Hut, Jun 4, 2015
    #9136
  17. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    Lol, i guess it's because the site can tell you're in Kiltland and wants you to pay. Loads fine for me.

    I'll just paste it into the next post.
     
    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9137
  18. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    RICKY Gervais doesn’t expect to be asked back to host the Golden Globes, after he annoyed Holywood A-listers by making jokes at the expense of Angelina Jolie, Robert Downey Jr and Bruce Willis, among others. RICKY Gervais doesn’t expect to be asked back to host the Golden Globes, after he annoyed Holywood A-listers by making jokes at the expense of Angelina Jolie, Robert Downey Jr and Bruce Willis, among others.
    Sorry, you must sign in before you can print full articles.



    But who cares? For me personally, a tuxedo-clad circle of malignant egos patting each other on the ass for pretending to be other people couldn’t be offended enough.
    <iframe style="border: 0px currentColor; vertical-align: bottom;" id="google_ads_iframe_/154725070/www.heraldscotland.com/comment/guest-commentary_8" height="1" marginHeight="0" src="javascript:&quot;<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>&quot;" frameBorder="0" width="1" name="google_ads_iframe_/154725070/www.heraldscotland.com/comment/guest-commentary_8" marginWidth="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>

    I am not against actors giving themselves awards any more than plumbers or dental hygienists, but I think such events should take place in some rented banquet hall of a Holiday Inn Express. Accusations of “offensiveness” have also been levelled at Frankie Boyle, and those do interest me for many reasons, all of which are juvenile. Nothing makes me happier than to hear about a rift between comedians taken out on the internet for all the world to see. I scramble to my laptop to read every word in anticipation of choosing sides on something that has nothing to do with me. Boyle is currently being investigated by the media regulator Ofcom over a joke he made on his Channel 4 programme, Tramadol Nights, about Katie Price’s disabled son Harvey. The show also attracted complaints over quips about cancer victims running marathons, and supposed racial language in a gag about the Aghanistan conflict.

    But Boyle is no stranger to controversy. Last April, he made some jokes at a show about the fine people afflicted with Down’s Syndrome only to find that a woman in the front row had a child with the same condition who made it known that she was none too pleased with the material.

    Let me take a moment to say that any place where an audience member getting bent out of shape at a comedy gig can make national news is a fantastic place to be a comedian. Far more intriguing to me than the event in question would be to know how exactly it became a story. Did people rush into the streets calling 999? “Come quick! A woman’s been upset down at Ha Ha’s!” Were news crews dispatched to the scene? How did they find this woman? Were witnesses rounded up? I suppose we will never know.

    But news it became, with people coming out of the sewers to berate or defend Frankie Boyle. Then another comedian -- Mark Watson -- became involved by suggesting on his blog that perhaps Mr Boyle did cross a line by picking on someone weaker than himself. He referred to Boyle as “rich, successful and physically healthy” to which Mr Boyle responded by calling Watson a “sellout” and a “c***”.

    Any of these claims could be true as I don’t know either comic personally nor do I assume that either would want me named as sitting in their corner. I will try to remain neutral on this while clearly and loudly defending Frankie Boyle and not that other guy.
    But honestly, the person who should be taking the brunt of all this is the woman who complained. All the while that I am getting vicarious thrills from the comedy infighting, it’s glaringly apparent and off-putting that nowhere in the reams of blog and news coverage did anyone take that woman to task.

    Everyone instead questioned good taste versus bad or free speech against common decency, yet all of this responsibility is heaped on to the shoulders of the comedians and none on a random audience member who -- for the price of a ticket -- can wander into a dark room, stir up a ruckus and blend back into the sofa never to be heard from again.

    How does the audience fall under the illusion that they have some right to not be offended? Certainly you have the right to not be harmed; but offended? Imagine the number of subjects that might offend any single individual and multiply that by the number of people in any given audience. Subtract all those topics from any given comic’s set list and what do you get? Mime. That’s what you get and possibly what you deserve. I’ve been booed for wearing the jersey of an offending sports team and then won the audience back with rape jokes. Who can tell?

    The mother in this instance -- Sharon Smith -- was evidently having a fine time listening to Boyle’s show up until the point where he sat on her specific sandwich with the Down’s Syndrome jokes. Boyle is known for an extremely caustic brand of humour so it’s safe to say it wasn’t all bits about children’s television programmes and railway journeys up until that point.

    People such as Mrs Smith like to wear their hardships like a crown of thorns. They define themselves by their misfortunes because they can get sympathy from them. I was a victim of this or a survivor of that. They use their trials and tribulations in place of unique personality traits. Sympathy is just another form of attention and everybody loves attention -- so if you can’t get on Pop Idol, get cancer. And never go out in public without wearing the ribbon on your chest.

    This is why humour is such a danger to them because if humour can diffuse the subject matter, it will diminish their sense of martyrdom. It threatens the very foundation of their identity. Media coverage like this only supports and fuels that delusion.
    The fact is that really no comedian sets out to offend you. Some comics enjoy the challenge of taking a subject that is likely to be found offensive and trying to make it funny -- but the object is still to make you laugh. Offence is only a calculated risk. It’s highly unlikely that a comedian whose only goal was to repulse you would ever make it past an open-mic stage, far less build a long career of touring theatres and television appearances. The jokes in question didn’t ruin the show -- you did.

    Like it or not, some audiences and audience members just plain suck. Theatre folks are keen on saying that there is no such thing as a bad audience, but theatre audiences have different expectations and actors are not held responsible for their own lines. If I went to see King Lear and yelled out “That’s not funny, my FATHER WAS BLIND!” -- no newspaper headline would read: “Shakespeare ruins random man’s Friday night out.”

    Nor would any newspaper print: “Humourless mother of Down’s child spoils an evening of comedy.”
    Worse still is that this Mrs Smith is quoted as saying that the material was “very childish, playground stuff, really”, and that she’d have more respect if the jokes were “clever or funny”.

    So now we have a woman in the national spotlight who is upset, not at the fact that a comedian made jokes at the expense of the disabled, but at the quality of the jokes about the disabled. I’d like to hear some of the Down’s Syndrome jokes that Mrs Smith finds hilarious or high-brow.

    A few years back I had a show in Edinburgh where -- after I’d touched on everything from abortion to child molestation -- an audience member flew into a teary rage when I casually mentioned the drug ecstasy. Her sister had died while taking the drug and the mere mention of the word had her screaming across the venue at me as though I was the one responsible for giving her sister that bad batch. I doubt very highly that if Mrs Smith had attended that show that she would have shared in the lady’s outrage. In fact, she probably would have been pissed off at this outburst screwing up my joke. So if Mrs Smith doesn’t feel compelled to take umbrage with everything that someone could find offensive, why should the comedian?

    I’ve been in Frankie Boyle’s shoes more than enough times to share his odours. People get offended at a word without looking at its context. I had Ofcom problems myself after being hustled out of a BBC 6 radio interview cut short after I’d made a joke about Sarah Palin having two retarded children -- one with Down’s Syndrome and one who volunteered for duty in Iraq. Some Mrs Smith summarily called the word police and filed a complaint.

    Does it matter that the word “retarded” isn’t offensive to me? Just down the road from me in Douglas, Arizona, you can still find the DARC -- the Douglas Association for Retarded Citizens -- open for business with a large, proud sign out on the highway. The NAACP -- the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People -- is still the name for the largest civil rights organisation for ethnic minorities. Yet calling people retarded or coloured remains objectionable.

    I’ve used the expression “parki” on stage in the UK in an observation about words which are considered abusive abroad yet have little or no meaning whatsoever at home. A haemorrhoidal anguish blanketed the audience so heavily that it overrode the entire point and joke altogether. I was the only one who wasn’t squeamish, if only because I haven’t had a lifetime of people telling me that word was disparaging. Shortening Pakistani to “parki” seems as normal to me as shortening “Timothy” to Tim” or Scientologist to “dipshit”.
     
    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9138
  19. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    continued ...

    People hear a buzzword or topic and start heading for the door before any context can be realised. If you say “f*** abortion” you’ll have a pro-lifer leave because you said “f***”. Whether the question is being too offensive or too banal, the answer is that playing to the audience rather than playing to your own instincts will always be a losing proposition. There is no such thing as laughing at something you shouldn’t. You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. Life is a series of heartache, tragedy and injustice, punctuated by a few cocktails and that one trip to Reno. The more you can laugh at the ugliest parts, the better off you are.

    It is embarrassing that it is necessary to continually point out that comedy is not only subjective but possibly the most subjective of all the “art forms”. Mrs Smith referred to what she considers “playground humour”. If there is no place for playground humour in this world, then you are saying that nobody born with a playground wit has a right to laugh. I hope that her Down’s Syndrome child can eventually learn to cultivate a taste for the layered, intellectual depths and sarcasm of a comic like Stewart Lee rather than the “pull-my-finger” fart jokes that now probably make her face light up like an angel.

    (To be clear, this was no jab at Down’s Syndrome people. To date, nothing has repeatedly made me laugh -- from my earliest recollections to this writing -- like the sound of a turbulent, wet, angry fart. I double over in fits every time and I do so without any shame whatsoever.)

    Some folks like to say “Well, that is simply not funny” about something, as though “funny” had some overlying barometer or science -- like saying “that isn’t a martini” or “that isn’t water- soluble”. You may not find a comedian funny but if that comedian has the tenure, the audience and the success of someone like Frankie Boyle, it’s clear that enough people disagree with you that your opinion is really of no significance. Go out and find someone more to your liking. He won’t miss you when you’re gone.

    What has always twisted my spine in hate and will seemingly continue to do so is the fact that one contentious piece of material from a comedian can cause such an uproar, yet the masses of tired, pedestrian comedy that is dumped regularly on the populace never causes any furore anywhere outside the green room door. If there is cause for outrage, it shouldn’t be when people are occasionally offended but when they are repeatedly bored. One comic getting into a heated altercation with an audience member will make every newspaper, yet 300 ticket sales every night for months at a suburban Jongleurs would barely make a Twitter post.

    And that is what will be the eventual downfall of stand-up comedy as a respected artform, far less a lucrative business. Comedians, venues and media, all catering to the Mrs Smiths of the world. Just like back in the good ole US of A.
     
    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9139
  20. Hut*Hut

    Hut*Hut The Mackintosh of temazepam

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    Finishing my nightly cider is always the low point of my day, much worse than the alarm clock or the morning commute. I suck the vapour out like a dog licking a clean food bowl across the kitchen. Every night i weigh up 'maybe i should go and get a second, what harm could it do?' before overruling myself.
     
    Hut*Hut, Jun 4, 2015
    #9140
  21. Hut*Hut

    Hut*Hut The Mackintosh of temazepam

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    Can't disagree with anything in that article. Weird that a famous American comedian wrote a piece for a local Glasgow newspaper
     
    Hut*Hut, Jun 4, 2015
    #9141
  22. Hut*Hut

    Hut*Hut The Mackintosh of temazepam

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    This was really good :lol:

    <iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/i1lJU90tV_w" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" width="853"></iframe>
     
    Hut*Hut, Jun 4, 2015
    #9142
  23. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    :bears:


    That's why you'll have to attend. I went to one his his shows here a couple of years ago. Well worth it.
     
    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9143
  24. Slice N Dice

    Slice N Dice Big stiff idiot

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    I like Doug Stanhope's segments on Charlie Brooker's screenwipe, he's a funny dude. Good article.
     
    Slice N Dice, Jun 4, 2015
    #9144
  25. whiskey

    whiskey Czarcasm

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    That's actually where i first came across him. I loves those segments and realized "this guys is obviously a comic, and must have other stuff out there". Then i started looking around. I was pretty surprised i never heard of him before.

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9Oww4Ap3YZA?list=PLB88A43118D304F4A" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
     
    whiskey, Jun 4, 2015
    #9145
  26. cdogg187

    cdogg187 GLADYS

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    His bit about suicide was hilarious
     
    cdogg187, Jun 4, 2015
    #9146
  27. Hut*Hut

    Hut*Hut The Mackintosh of temazepam

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    :bears: excellent
     
    Hut*Hut, Jun 4, 2015
    #9147
  28. Slice N Dice

    Slice N Dice Big stiff idiot

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    QPR striker Charlie Austin speaks from within the England training camp …
    Charlie Austin hoping to make international bow in next ten days
    QPR striker has been training with England ahead of games against Republic of Ireland and Slovenia
    Austin says first two days with national side have gone well
    CHARLIE Austin is hoping he can get on the pitch and represent his country for the first time over the next ten days.

    England play the Republic of Ireland in Dublin this weekend before taking on Slovenia in a EURO 2016 qualifier in Ljubljana on 14th June.

    “Whether I get the chance on Sunday or in a week’s time, I just hope I can get on the pitch and represent my country,” Austin said, having trained with the national side over the past two days at St George’s Park.


    ENGLAND CLASS: Austin with national team-mates at St George's Park

    “I am delighted to be here. When I found out I had been called up I couldn’t believe my hard work through the season has come with the reward of being in the England squad.

    “When you train with top-class players like England have got, it can only improve you on and off the pitch.

    “I am delighted to join up with the team and the first couple of days have gone well for me.”


    STRIKE PARTNERS? Austin jokes with England team-mate Wayne Rooney

    Austin’s call-up caps a remarkable rise for the 25 year-old, who was playing non-league football with Poole Town just six years ago. He is joined in Roy Hodgson’s squad by Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy, who also came through the non-league route, playing for Fleetwood Town in the Conference Premier just three seasons ago.

    “I’d like to think my story can help inspire others,” Austin said. “My dreams are coming true, and there should always be a goal for people.

    “I believe there’s players in non-league who are still dreaming they can make the step up to professional level, and then the national team. Those people are looking at myself and Jamie, and seeing that it can be done.


    DREAMS DO COME TRUE: Austin and Jamie Vardy have both come from non-league to achieve England recognition

    “We both came from the non-league, I played in the south and he played in the north. We played in similar leagues and, like I say, us being involved here gives other non-league players hope that they can achieve their dreams.”

    Austin missed out on a call-up in March when he was heavily tipped to be named in Hodgson’s squad, but the man who bagged 18 goals in the top-flight this season has no complaints.

    “I couldn’t argue with the selections that were made last time,” he said. “I just knew that I had to keep trying as hard as I can and score as many goals as I can. But the first aim for me was to try to keep QPR in the Premier League.

    “Personally, this is a goal that I have achieved and it shows that hard work has paid off. It’s just unfortunate that as a team, we couldn’t stay in the Premier League.”

    Looking ahead to any possible inclusion in the upcoming fixtures for England, Austin added: “I just want to concentrate on doing what I do best, which is to work hard for the team and try to score goals.”
     
    Slice N Dice, Jun 4, 2015
    #9148
  29. Irish

    Irish Yuge, Beautiful

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    Fuck Frankie Boyle and Fuck Ricky Gervais. Fuck em both in their fat, liberal, bohemian arseholes.
     
    Irish, Jun 4, 2015
    #9149
  30. Irish

    Irish Yuge, Beautiful

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    Liverpool signed James Milner.
    Pretty sure I posted this already.....cannot say I have noticed any ripples.
     
    Irish, Jun 4, 2015
    #9150
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