Brand new modern fitba 2018-19 thread!! SEE YOU!!

This is now like the fifth series of a comedy that used to be funny for one or two...

...unlike the "Kill Panchyprsss, now!" thread

 

I remember back in September of 2018... I was attending a convention in São Paulo, company car, per diem paid expenses, the works. Checked out the local nightlife, shagged a couple of proper fit birds. Got to meet Gérson and Clodoaldo at a company banquet where they were honoured guests; they gave me a national team shirt with their personalized signatures (which has unfortunately gone missing!) but the most interesting part of the trip happened when I was strolling back to my five star hotel late one night. I saw some teenagers kicking an old football about. It had an autograph on it but I couldn't see who. A little bit further up the street I saw some sorry looking cunt lying near an alley. His cheap, off the rack white suit was covered in blood (typical daft white Euro cunt, looked like something out of Miami Vice) ... I asked him if he was alright and he just mumbled incoherently and spat up blood so I took a quick glance around and spotted his wallet on the ground. No money but there was ID and a house key and a picture of a surprisingly fit slag. I grabbed a loose brick from a wall nearby and smashed his fucking skull to pieces, spray painted some gang graffiti nearby and set the body on fire. I made my way to his house and put in a good hard shift shagging his missus, bottled her, ransacked the place, shagged her again when she was semiconscious and then smothered her with a pillow, left more graffiti and went back to my hotel. Next day had lunch with Romario and Bebeto and then flew home.

- Clogg, 20 pages from now

 

What the hell?

 

Fucking sitting in a pub in Shepherds Bush drowning my sorrows after QPR lose their fourth game in a row. 0-3 at home. 13 goals conceded in 4 games, transfer embargo in January. Great times.

 

Why the embargo? Is QPR in financial trouble?

 

Keep putting off Dunga and it will come back to haunt you.

Slice is lucky his legs are still intact.

 

Had a bad start on ma trip tae Crete... wiz stood at the front o’ the queue, very early in the morning, tae check ma baggage in when all o’ a sudden the ‘bubbleguts’ started. Bloody check-in ladies were taking their time so Ah quickly disappeared fer a swift jobby. Returned back tae ma bags, thinking Ah’d got away wi’ it, only tae discover ma family had been loodly discussing whether Ah had diarrhoea or no’.

Later, to oor horror, the flight wiz delayed ba eight hoors. Ah thought Ah’d make the best o’ it and went fer another crap. Ah walked a far distance tae find whit Ah hoped wid be a ‘less well travelled’ toilet. Turned oot Ah had one o’ the most comically farty shites Ah’d ever taken and Ah pebbledashed the porcelain so viciously, Ah had tae spend a good few minutes cleaning the bog. When Ah wiz washing ma hands, a mildly attractive cleaning lady wiz walking through the toilets and gave me a smile, Ah hope it wiz because o’ ma considerate manner. Anyway, fer the next many boring hoors, Ah kept seeing this lassie and Ah couldnae meet her eye fer fear she’d heard ma fartiness.

Wha can’ a man no’ have a plop in peace on holiday?

 

Yeah, FFP breach.

 

Good god, turns out we were at the same yanis varoufakis talk at the weekend too.♥ ♥Hold me back

 

interesting... I was at a Giorgios Samaras talk last weekend

 

Oi Hut

 

Shup, whiskey?

 

You see double L's favorite show?

 

Ahahaha amazing. Looks like gripping television.

 

Agreed and it's nice to see those greedy workers being made to work for their pay.

 

Celtic drew 1-1 with a team from fucking Lithuania ... their crest is literally just a plain burnt orange shield ... no writing, no symbols or artwork...

 

Maybe they kept the crest but donated the rest to their poor Latvian neighbors.

 

The crest was a drawing of a rotten potato with a soccer ball pattern on the skin

 

Hopefully secret police don't confiscate it.

 

It was a shambles. We must've had 93% possession and we can't turn it into a win. The defence is a thin string of accidents and tierney and mcgregor are the only players capable of seeing one move ahead going forward. Can't decide if the board or the scouting network is more culpable... I'm inclined to say the latter since our only targets this summer have been ex-players and spl players - do we even still have a scouting system? Bring back Neil lennon as director of fitbaw or something.

We'll beat this lot 5-0+ at home but the take home point of last night is just how much business we need to do before deadline day to even compete in the europa, and there's absolutely no indication we'll get that business done. Sliding back in to the mud.

 

How amazing is air bnb btw? Moving from town to town staying in your fantasy-dream houses for less than a f'n premier inn room. Bare brick loft apartments in old warehouses, cast iron garment factories, shhhwwing

 

Yup... this side can't score and is astonishingly inept in defense. Without serious reinforcements, we will be humiliated in Europa

 

I don't foresee humiliations at that level personally, just a bunch more of what we've had in the last three games- frustration. We'll probably finish third with say 5 points and look backing feeling we coulda shoulda woulda won 4 or 5 games. Otoh, if crommper and boyata come back and we make a decent signing or two things might pick up. Hope is the crack of football fandom.

 

I don't know... right now our defending is completely found out by just the slightest pressure ... if we're conceding goals (and a pathetically easy one, at that) to a side this awful (realistically these guys might not survive League Two), I cringe at the thought of what it will look like against actual teams ... maybe not 12-1 against PSG level depressing, but still bad

 

Yeah, Celtic's defending is pretty bad.